Tales from Oompa Loompa LandI told my mother that I wanted to see the new "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" movie. I was hoping that she would offer to take my son for a few hours so I could go, but she didn't. However, she did go off about the finer points of the 1971 version with Gene Wilder.
Mom: What's that kid's name...Jimmy Bucket?
Me: (rolls eyes) NO, it's Charlie Bucket. Hence the title of the movie.
Mom: Oh, yeah. (quiet for a moment) You know what was stupid about that movie? The old people. What kind of person writes a story about old people who stay in a bed all day and they make the kid and the mother work. I think that's terrible. It's scary. What was the grandpa?
Me: Grandpa Joe?
Mom: What a piece of crap! He coulda got out of bed and helped out, but the four of them just stayed in bed all day. Imagine that house! It musta stunk! Could you imagine emptying those people's chamber pots? (pause) I wonder if they had rubber sheets.
Me: They probably didn't have rubber sheets because the Buckets were poor.
Mom: Well, that grandpa coulda got out of bed and worked.
Me: He was sick.
Mom: Well, he sure got his ass out of bed pretty fast when the kid won the ticket. (shaking her head) That poor kid and mother. What kind of sick person would write a terrible story like that?
