Marlene's Cunning PlanAbout a week ago, my mother decided that my son desperately needed a swing. She told me it would soothe him; after all, we had a few nights were he did not sleep. I told her I appreciated that she was thinking of my husband and I and our lack of sleep.
Mom: It’s not about you. It’s for my grandson.
That evening, I received a phone call.
Mom: I got your swing. Can I drop it off? I promise I won’t stay.
Me: Okay. (pause) You know you can stay if you want.
She brought the bulky box into the house and sat on our couch. Of course, my mother could not simply go out to buy a swing—it had to be an adventure in consumerism.
Mom: (proudly) I got smart, Kim.
Me: Really? What did you do now?
Mom: Well, I saw the floor model of the swing and had an idea. I know that Mark is not the most handy person—
Mark was with us in the living room. He was about to say something, so I jumped in.
Me: He’s fine, Mom.
Mom: He couldn’t put together the plastic organizer for the baby’s room.
Mark: Neither could Mike! In fact, it’s being held together by screws.
Mom: Anyways, I got smart. I saw there were only like two tickets left and the floor model of the swing. So I took all the tickets for the swings in the back and hid them. This way, I thought, they had to sell me the floor model, which was already put together. And Mark wouldn’t have to put together the swing. So Katie put the floor model in the cart and we went to the cashier and I played stupid and said, ‘All the tickets are gone. This is the only one back there. I guess we’ll have to take it.’ See how smart I was?
Me: (sarcastically) Wow. That’s brilliant.
Mom: But then the cashier had to call the back to make sure there were none in boxes and the floor model was the only one left. And I thought, ‘Oh shit.’ And she said, ‘Ma’am, there’s one in a box in the back. The guy is bringing it out for you.’ And I played stupid and said, ‘That’s nice.’
Me: Okay…
Mom: (disappointed) So I ended up getting one in the box. Mark will have to put it together.
Mark: I can do that.
Me: Mark will be fine, Mom.
Mom: But now I don’t know what to do with these tickets I hid in my purse.
