CoCo Krispies
I had an OB appointment yesterday. I called my mother afterwards to let her know how it went. I know that if she could have, she would have accompanied me to the appointment. Since she's a nurse, she likes to watch other nurses and doctors work. She asks all sorts of questions, and, will put people in their places if needs be. In fact, when Mark and I had to go to genetic counseling a few weeks ago, Marlene went with us. When I was told to drink 32 oz. of water for an ultrasound, and the ultrasound never happened because Mark and I decided against the amnio, I watched my mom rip apart the ultrasound tech. It was so bad, the tech brought the doctor who was head of high-risk pregnancy in. He and my mom talked a bit; she finally calmed down. I apologized to the tech on the way out because my mom yelled at her.
On the way out of the hospital, Marlene became animated. "Did you see how I played 'bad cop' with them?", she asked Mark and I.
"Yeah, Marlene, you're a real Columbo," Mark said. Marlene was distracted by a display in the hospital gift shop. "C'mon, Columbo," Mark told her, getting her to move.
Anyway, yesterday...I called my mom at work and let her know the OB visit went well. I told her that the doctor called her grandson-to-be a "stinker" because he would not stop moving long enough to take his heartbeat. This is good, I said to mom, because this means he has enough oxygen and nutrition.
My mom then launched into her latest sad story, which had nothing to do with the baby:
Mom: Coco's on her way out. That stupid dog. Do you know what she did?
Me: No.
Mom: Well, she got into Katie's room. You know how I bought Katie that big tube of A&D ointment for her tattoo? Well, the stupid dog ate the whole tube of ointment.
Me: (laughing)
Mom: It's not funny! The dog then came downstairs and took an oily, stinky crap in the living room. Oh, it was terrible!
Me: (still laughing) I would probably be sick, too, if I ate all that A&D.
Mom: And then, when I was cleaning up the crap, the dog sneaked into the hallway where Katie has her purse, got into Katie's purse and ate her tanning goggles. The dog's days are numbered.
I recounted the whole story to my father at dinner last night. He said he was talking with a friend who owns an American Eskimo dog. "They're all like that. They're little snots," Dad said. The friend told him that the vet told her during the cold winters, when food became scarce, people would eat the dogs. The more intelligent dogs figured out that if they attached themselves to the Eskimo women, they wouldn't be eaten because the women would protect their pets. My dad's theory is that the dog follows my mother closely around the house, so my mom will protect her. Since my mom doesn't discipline her, the dog acts like a jerk.
This makes sense to me. When I stopped over to visit Marlene last Saturday, CoCo was in the kitchen alone. When I walked in the door, she went nuts. She ran as quickly as her little legs would allow her up the stairs, only to figure out my mom was in the basement. She then flew down two flights of stairs to find my mom, so she could hide behind her legs and bark at me.
The dog's a real bitch.
