More Than I Needed To Know...
So my mother has been down in the dumps over the past few days. She called me on Saturday because she wanted me to "air her out". "Airing Mom out" means taking her out somewhere in public, usually shopping. I call it "airing her out" because it's one of the few times when she gets out of the house. The only other time is to go to work.
My mother claims that if I don't air her out often enough, she will get musty.
On Saturday, my session of airing my mother out included a trip to Target, Walmart and then lunch at Lorraine's Food Factory. Although everyone in my family was game to go to Lorraine's, no one wanted to go to Target or Walmart.
It was just me and mom.
At Target, my mother bought two pairs of socks; both my birthday gifts. My mother has always shopped for my birthday when I was with her; even as a kid. I'm not supposed to peek in the cart as she throws my birthday gifts to be in it. This is how I'm not supposed to know I'm getting two pairs of socks (one with Care Bears on them) on my birthday.
As we were driving through the mall parking lot, my mother started a conversation that I wished I was never a part of.
Mom: I got my period again after three months.
Me: (pause) Um..
Mom: I'm going through "the change".
Me: (uncomfortable) Yeah, some of the women I work with talk about menopause. I really don't know much about it.
Mom: (pause) I'm probably not going to ever have sex again.
Me: You don't know that.
Mom: Yes, I do. My parts are going rusty. No one can use them if they are rusty.
It was a weird conversation. I don't like discussing sex with family members. It reminded me of the time my great-grandmother, Nana, was in the home and I visited her for lunch. As we finished up lunch, she gave me some pearls of wisdom she had acquired during her long life (she was 101 at the time). She told me, "Sweetheart, don't ever marry a Protestant. My sister married a Protestant and he wanted her to do things in the bedroom. Things in the bedroom a good Catholic woman would not do."
I really hoped Nana would not go into explicit detail about these Protestant bedroom acts. I suppose there is someone worse than Mom to have a sex talk with- my 101 year old great-grandmother.
