She Bangs
So I went over to my Mom's to celebrate my youngest brother's birthday. After the cake, my sister, brother, mother, father and husband were standing around the kitchen, talking.
Me: So, Katie, when is your presentation on Dante's Inferno due for English class?
Katie: Monday, but I can't present then because I'm going to a scholarship luncheon.
Mom: You better tell him that you're not gonna be there Monday.
Me: Yeah, you better. What sin is your project on?
Katie: Suicides. I have to start my vocabulary list for it. It's hard, but I've been working on it.
Mom:(in fake disgust, to Katie) Go to hell. You never start anything early.
*Katie rolls her eyes*
Mom: That guy was on drugs when he wrote
The Inferno.
Me: I liked
The Inferno.
Mom: Kim, go to hell.
Pete: (to Mom) Didn't you read it ten times?
Mom: (matter of factly) No, that was your brother, Matt. Dante is stupid.
Me: (to Mom) So do you think Dante should go to hell?
Mom: He's already in hell.
Me: Actually, he went to purgatory and paradise.
Mom: Kim, go to hell!
On the way home, my husband asked, "So is that your mom's new catch phrase- go to hell?"
I thought for a moment. "I guess so," I replied.
"That's not even a good catch phrase," he said. "It's not like 'eat my shorts' or anything even remotely original."
We were silent for a few moments.
"Hey, Mark?" I said.
"Yeah?"
"Go to hell," I said, laughing.
"You hate me," he said. He paused for a moment. "'Go to hell'- it's like your mom is a three-year-old who just learns a new swear word."
"I know," I told him. "It's gonna compete with 'stuff'".
